boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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