Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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