Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
