I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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