I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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