Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
