i barfeds in our rink
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
