I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
