Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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