I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
