If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
