OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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