Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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