So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
