I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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