It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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