At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
