porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
