so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize