Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
