We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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