Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Say something about gay babies.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
