I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
