My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
