im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my being single is dangerous.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
