I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
