I hope mine doesn't look like that
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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