Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
