when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
