he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
