I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
As shirtless as possible
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
