so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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