just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
