Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
