just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize