ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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