Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
