You're completely useless in the revolution.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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