Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
