So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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