Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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