I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
