So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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