Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Its about making memories worth repressing
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
