he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
