apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i've created a new STD.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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