i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
