just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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