Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
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There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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