I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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