Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
