I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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