Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
