my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
