life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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