you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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