Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm bleeding and have questions
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
