I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
