How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
What drink are we having for lunch?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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