i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
