Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
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I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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