remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
