You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
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Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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