Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize