who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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