It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
