Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
