Don't you send me to vm
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
