On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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