I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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