You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
