I want to stick my p in your. b.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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