I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
