I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
