fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
