So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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