at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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