It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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