All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
