I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
