what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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