Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
