I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i out mim tonsoeep
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
