I understand Curling. That high.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
