I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
