that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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