$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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